Imagine being a black woman in America in the 60’s and 70’s, along with ten children to raise. Imagine having hopes and dreams in the 60’s and 70’s America that your ten children will become productive members of society. It was indeed a daunting task but my mother met and conquered many challenges during a life that proved to be an uphill battle.
My mother’s story is very compelling, from the very beginning she experienced much adversity. She grew up in the 1930’s Thompson, GA. She was abandoned by her mother at a very early age. Consequently, she was moved around from one relative to another. She finally landed in the home of a woman she called Mother. She was a mother in name only. There she was treated more like a servant than a child. At the age of sixteen, she made a conscious decision to escape this bondage. By that time she had four children and her manner of escape was to marry the father of her four children. This was a short-lived union as my father was never around. Despite being abandoned by her first husband my mother tried marriage again. Out of that union, she was blessed with four children. Now she had eight children, a husband who was a truck driver and was away more than he was at home. Needless to say, the truck driver’s husband left one day and never returned. Despite all the abandonment in her life, my mother was not bitter. She was abandoned by her mother, and two husbands but managed to press on. She had family values and she instilled them in myself and my siblings. She never uttered a bad word about either of her husbands. She told us “they are your fathers and you should always respect them”. This statement was one of the many life lessons that my mother taught all of us. To respect the father that left you and never looked back was a character-building experience. In other words, one must always rise and get past the challenge no matter what. We so many valuable lessons from our character-building experiences, thank you, Mom!!
After my mother’s second husband pulled a disappearing act she emerged from that relationship as a broken woman. Still, she pushed on. Before this time I’d never witnessed my mother indulge in any alcoholic beverage. In her broken state, she met a third man who was an alcoholic. This union produced two other children. Her drinking became so bad that I dreaded going home. The last two children did not experience the love that I and my siblings experienced. My mother’s first love became the alcohol and everything else was secondary to that. My siblings and I were very concerned about my mother. We had a family meeting and decided to do an intervention out of deep love for our Mom. We confronted her. Because of the family values, she instilled in us we knew we were all we had. We did not want to lose her. She did not receive our concerns well but over time she began to realize that our confrontation with her was done out of love. It took a while for us to get our old mom back but she emerged, stopped drinking, and became the loving mother from before.
Imagine being abandoned shortly after birth, getting married at the age of sixteen, and already having four children. Then you get married a second time and have an additional four children only to be abandoned again. Still hoping to find “Mr. Right” you again try your luck at love. This time your mate is an alcoholic. Once more there are shattered dreams as the third man leaves you. Your mother left you and all three fathers of your children left you too. Where is the love? The love is what happened when you pulled yourself up, rolled up your sleeves, and through much adversity made a life for you and your children. These children watched your example all along and learned how to make their way through to the most adverse situations imaginable. You did it, Mom! Because of the love you gave to us and the sacrifices you made for us out of love we learned so many life lessons. We know in our hearts that you would be proud of your children and the valuable lessons you instilled in us. We love you and miss you.
Marvin Dixon
VMG Review 